this is a fox news alert. hello and welcome to our special coverage of the white house currents' dinner. i'm judge jeanine pirro. in a few moments we will take you to the live coverage. first i want to introduce my guest republican strategists noelle nickpor. ryen clayton. steven crowd fresh michigan and political satirist will durst who joins us from san francisco. let me say quickly that i look forward to this every year. i love, you know, the politicians. i love hollywood, the glitz and glamour and who looks good and who doesn't. noelle, what are you looking for tonight? >> looking for some of my

friends. i have seen a couple of them and i'm like what are you doing there to know you are inned. >> and ryan? >> looking forward to ridiculing the politicians to their face. that is not something you can do everywhere in the world. >> judge jeanine: and sometimes they even ridicule them isselves. by the way, i will go to you, steven crowder. what are you looking for tonight? >> firstly i'm hoping to see c-span fix the shoddy camera work. secondly, i would much rather be watching shale win the ufc championship tonight. instead i have to watch blow hards and direct lack yos and we will make the best of it and let's see how it goes. >> judge jeanine: we are eternally grateful that you made it here tonight. >> i'm so glad to be here with you. >> judge jeanine: and will durst, what are you looking forward to tonight? >> i want to hear some good jokes and see if the president can do it. i know conan can do it. this is his second time. leno has done it four times so

he is trying to bet leno again. i'm just looking for some jokes. >> judge jeanine: and what do you think the biggest joke is going to be tonight? i mean years of obama car and what are they going to joke about? >> the sequester. with everything going on the planes and white house tours and everything. i think it will be sequester all the way. >> judge jeanine: and brian? >> obviously probably going to be the congress that can't seem to get anything done. universal background checks for guns. nine out of ten americans want it. not going to happen. want them to stop messing around with social security. mean in out of ten americans want them to do that but it is not going to happen. i would point out huh disconnected congress and john boehner and the rest of the house is from the rest of the population. >> judge jeanine: just john boehner? hair reid? >> the entire kaw you cuss. >> i'm glad he took a little bit of blame, there, too. it is not all on or side which

it is not. >> judge jeanine: steven crowd hear do you think the big topic will be tonight? >> tough to distinguish between celebrities or fox news anchors. that is a game i lik to play because the attractiveness factor is about the same. >> we thank roger ales for that. >> and a lot of gosnel jokes. >> judge jeanine: gosnell being the apportion doctor is that what you are talking about? >> i expect them to avoid that like the plague but expect them to make sequester jokes and light funny topics where they get to throw jabs at republicans and make them look bad and act as though they are being even handed. i can expect tons of that tonight. so looking forwarded to it. >> judge jeanine: when we come back we will take you live to the actual start of the correspondents' dinner. changing the world is exhausting business.

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>> judge jeanine: we now take you to the white house correspondents' din. the person she wants to meet is candy crowley. char main come out out. the highlight is getting a picture with the first lady and the president of the united states. char main, rachel maddow is who she admires because she likes her point of view on politics. jobena fortson admires you and as she was telling me that, anna winter walked in the room and she said she is so beautiful and looks so good. i said anna winter always looks good. come on out. madill. ashley told me she loves anybody from vice because she loves documentaries. vince dickson. loves anything local news.

and those of us know local news. a good choice. the first lady said make sure you can see ashley. amara ray men admires you david. he loves everything that you do. and omar knows margaret brennan, too. that is also good. university of missouri, from columbia. ricia chinn is a big fan of maria bardoromo. yan lu loves all things 60 minutes. hello to you. at our table is sy sitting next to charlie rose. we asked what he really wants in this country and he says he wants a profile on 60 minutes. i said you are sitting next to charlie rose. he knows people.

i bet that could happen. gena cook loves you, conan o'brien. anshi loves all things cnn. special shout out to you jeff zucker. she wants to work with you. kip hill. says his favorite anchor person is jeff daniels from newsroom. he said he does news the way it should be done. okay, kip hill. steven rich loves you jon stewart. come on out, steven. alexandria had the best answer. who do you admire, what shows do you watch and who is the favorite and who inspires you. she thought for a couple minutes and said nobody really, i want to chart my own course and i love that answer.

come on out, alexandria. >> steven rich. in addition to jon stewart said brian sontana. a special shout out to paul rudd and you know what that means. rena admires robin roberts. come on out. from university of california at berkeley, angela hart loves you ryan lizza. she was excited to meet you and last but certainly not least, is jabrilingram who says he loves shanae simpson of channel 7 and i hope you are in the room. come on up. please have a round of applause for all of the scholarship

winners. and while you are still standing come on out, brianna, little, come on out. [ applause ] brianna said don't forget me. >> congratulations. i'm so proud of you. >> thank you. [ applause ]

>> i'm not going to be able to match them up with all of the journalists but i have some juice with candy crowley so we will find her and match them up. we love be candy. now -- now is the time that you have been waiting for is to give a toast and for nearly 100 years now our toast has only been there has been one toast which is to the president but given her work for the scholarship fund i hope you won't quickle as i say i would like everyone to stand and raise a toast to the president of the united states and mrs. obama. cheers. >> to the first lady. >> to the first lady.

>> and without further adu, i would like to introduce the president of the united states. ♪ >> thank you. thank you, everybody. ♪ my newdo you like mimieux entrance music? rush limbaugh warned you about this. second term, baby! we are changing things around here a little bit. actually my advisors were a little worried about the new

rap entrance music. they are a little more traditional. they suggested that i should start with some jokes at my own expense. just take myself down a peg. i was like guys, after four and a half years, how many pegs are there left? [ laughter ] >> i want to thank the white house correspondents. ed, doing an outstanding job. we are grateful for the great work you have done. and to all of the dignitaries who are here, everybody on the day. i especially want to say thank you to ray who does outstanding service on behalf of our country and all of our men and women in uniform every single day. and, of course, our extraordinary first lady michelle obama.

[ applause ] >> everybody loves michelle. she is on the cover of vogue. high poll numbers. don't worry, i recently got my own magazine cover. [ laughter ] now, look, i get it. these days i look in the mirror and i have to admit i'm not the strapping young muslim socialist that i used to be. time passes. get a little grey. and yet even after all this time i still make rookie mistakes.

like i'm out in california where the fundraiser having a nice time. i happen to mention that kamala harris is the best looking attorney general in the country. as you might imagine, i got trouble when i got back home who knew eric holder was so sensitive! and then there is the easter egg roll which is supposed to be just a nice fun event with the kids. go out on the basketball court. took 22 shots. made two of them. that's right. two hits. twenty minutes. the executives at nbc asked what's your secret?

so yes, maybe i have lost a step. but some things are beyond my control. for example the whole controversy about jay-z going to cuba. unbelievable. i have 99 problems and now you jay-z is one of them. that is another rap reference. just to let you know. the -- of course, everybody has got plenty of advice. maureen dowd said i could solve all my problems if i were just more like michael douglas in "the american president." and i know michael is here tonight. michael, what is your secret, man? could it be that you were an actor in an air sorkin liberal

fantasy? might that have something to do with it? i don't know. check in with me. maybe it's something else. anyway, i recognize that this job can take a toll on you. i understand second term, need a burst of new energy. try some new things. is and then my team and i talked about it and we are willing to try anything so we borrowed one of michelle's tricks. i thought this looked pretty good. but no bounce.

anyway. i want to give a shout out to our headliner conan o'brien. [ applause ] >> i was just talking to ed and i understand that when the correspondents association was considering conan for the gig they were faced with the age old dilemma do you offer it to him now or wait for five years and then give it to jimmy fallon. that was a little harsh. i love conan. and, of course, the white house press corps is here. i know cnn has taken some knocks lately but the fact is i admire their commitment to cover all sides of the story just in case one of them happens to be accurate.

so my former advisors have switched over to the dark side. for scam, david axel rod now works for msnbc which is a nice change of pace since msnbc used to work for david axelrod. the history channel is not here. i guess they were embarrassed about the whole obama is a devil thing. of course, that never kept fox news from showing up. they actually thought the comparison was not fair to satan.

but the problem is that the media landscape is changing so rapidly. you can't keep up with it. may i remember when buzz feed was just something i did in college around 2:00 a.m. it's true. recently, though, i found a new favorite source for political news. these guys are great. i think everybody here should check it out. they tell it like it is. it's called white house.gov. i cannot get enough of it. fact is, i really do respect the press. i recognize that the press and i have different jobs to do. my job is to be president. your job is to keep me humble. frankly, i think i'm doing my

jobber. job better. punishment part obut part of ts everybody is so cynical. feeding conspiracies, suspicion. remember a few months ago my administration put out a paragraph of me going skeet shooting at camp david? remember that? and quite a number of people in is siftd that this had been photoshopped but tonight i have something to confess. you were right. guys, can we show them the actual photo? we were just trying to tone it down a little bit. that was an aa awesome day.

there are other new players in the media landscape as well. like super pacs. did you know that sheldon spent $100 million of his own money last year on negative ads. you have to really dislike me to spend that kind of money. i mean that's oprah money. you could buy an island and call it nobama for that kind of money. sheldon would have been better off offering me a hundred million dollars to drop out of the race. i probably wouldn't have taken it. but i would have thought about it.

michelle would have taken it. you think i'm joking. i know republicans are still sorting out what happened in 2012 but one thing they all agree on is they need to do a better job reaching out to minorities. and look, call me self-centered but i can think of one minority they can start with. hello! think of me as a trial run, you know he. see how it goes. [ laughter ] >> if they won't come to me, i will come to them.

recently i had dinner. it has been publicized i had dinner with a number of the republican senators. i will admit it wasn't easy. i proposed a toast and it died in committee. of course, even after i have done all this some folks still don't think i spent enough time with congress. why don't you get a drink with mitch mcconnell they ask. really? why don't you get a drink with mitch mcconnell! [ applause ] >> i'm sorry. i get frustrated sometimes. i am not giving up. in fact, i'm taking my charm offensive on the road.

a texas barbecue with ted cruz. kentucky bluegrass concert with rand paul. and a book burning with michele bachmann. my charm offensive has helped me learn some interesting things about what is going on in congress. it turns out absolutely nothing. but, the point of my charm offensive is simple. we need to make progress on some important issues. take the sequester. the republicans fell in love with this thing and now you they can't stop talking about how much they hate it. it is like we are trapped in a taylor swift album.

one senator who has reached across the aisle recently is marco rubio. but i don't know about 2016. i mean the guy has not even finished a single term in the senate and he thinks he is ready to be president. kids these days. i on the other hand have run my last the campaign. on thursday, as ed mentioned, i went to the opening of the bush presidential library in dallas. it was a wonderful event and that inspired me to get started on my own legacy which will actually begin by building edifice right next to the bush library. can we show that, please? [ laughter ]

i'm also hard at work for plans on the obama library and some have suggested that we put it in my birth place but i would rather keep it in the united states. did anybody not see he that joke coming? show of hands. only gallup. maybe dick morris. now, speaking of presidents and their legacies, i want to acknowledge a wonderful friend, dayen spielberg and daniel lieu whday-lewis who are here . we had a screen oing of their most recent little many "lincoln" which is an extraordinary film. i am a little nervous about the

next project. i saw a behind the scenes look on hbo. let's just check it out. roll the tape. >> i was thrilled that lincoln was a success and as i was thinking about what to do next it in the middle of the night i woke up and it hit me. obama. i mean the guy is already a lame duck so why wait? picking the right actor to play obama that was the challenge. i mean who is obama really. in we don't know. we never got his transcripts and they say he is kind of aloof. i needed someone who could dive in and really become barack obama and as it turns out the answer was right in front of me all along. daniel day-lewis. he becomes his characters. hawkeye from last of the mohican and abraham len con in lincoln. he nailed it. >> was it hard playing obama? i willle be honest. it was.

hello, ohio. hello, ohio. i love you back. lock, look, let me be clear about this. you wouldn't believe how long it takes to put these ears on. i don't know how he walks around with these. >> once we had daniel to play obama we had to cast the rest of the team and i think we got some terrific performances. working with a legend like daniel is intimidating but he makes everybody better. without them i never could have played joe biden literally. hi, i'm joe biden. >> the hardest part, trying to understand his motivations. why did he pursue healthcare first? what mixes him tick? why doesn't he get mad? if i were him i would be mad all the time. but i'm not. i'm daniel day-lewis.

[ applause ] >> a remarkable transformation. do i really sound like that, though, honey? wow. grouchomarx once said and that is groucho, senator cruz, not karl, the other guy, groucho marx once told an audience before i speak i have something important to say. along the same lines i want to close on a more serious note. obviously no storage of news to cover over the past few weeks and these have been hard days for too many of our citizens. even as we gather here tonight our thoughts are not far from

the people of boston and the people of west, texas. there are families in the midwest who are coping with some terrible floods. so we have had some difficult days. but even when the days seemed darkest we have seen humanity shine at its brightest. we have seen first responders and national guardsmen who dashed into danger. law enforcement officers who lived their oath to is serve and to protect. and every day americans who are opening their homes and their hearts to perfect stranges. and we also saw journalist at their best. especially those who took the time to wade upstream through the torrent of digital rumors to take down leads and verify facts and pain stakingly put the pieces together to inform and educate and tell stories that demanded to be told.

if any one wonders for example whether newspapers were a thing of the past pick up or log on to papers like the boston globe when they are -- [ applause ] >> when their communities and the wider world needed them most, they h were there making sense of events that might at first blush seem beyond our comprehension and that is what great journalism is and that is what great journalists, do. that is why pete williams new you nickname around the nbc newsroom is big pappie. and in these past few weeks, as i have gotten a chance to meet many of the first responders, the police officers involved here who raced to help when hardship hits, i was reminded

as i'm always reminded when i meet our men and women in uniform whether they are in war theater or here back home or at walter reed, bethesda, i'm reminded that all of these folks they don't do it to be honored. they don't do it to be celebrated. they do it because that i love their families and tha they lor neighborhoods and they love their country. these men and women should inspire all of us in this room to live up to those same standards. to be worthy of their trust. to do our jobs with the same fidelity and the same integrity. and the same sense of purpose. and the same love of country. because if we are only focus the on profits or ratings or polls then we are contributing to the cynicism that so many people feel right now. and so --

[ applause ] >> those of us in this room tonight we are incredibly lucky. and the fact is we can do better. all of us. those of us in public office. those of us in the press. those who produce entertainment for our kids. those with power. those with influence. all of us including myself we can strive to value those things that i suspect led most of us to do the work that we do in the first place. because we believed in something that was true. and we believed in service. and the idea that we can have a lasting positive impact on the lives of the people around us. and that is our obligation. that is a task we should gladly embrace on behalf of all of those folks who are counting on us. on behalf of this country that

has given us so much. thank you all to the white house correspondents for the great work you do. god bless you all. may god bless the united states. [ applause ] thank you, mr. president. i would like to introduce mr. conan o'brien. >> thank you. thank you! thank you. please remain seated. that is not necessary. thank you very much. please, mr. president. don't stand. that wouldn't be right. good evening. thank you.

mr. president, mrs. obama, distinguished members of the press and bon jovi. yes. an on share the stage with the president. when you think about it, the president and i are a lot alike. we both went to harvard and have two children and both told joe biden we he didn't have extra tickets for tonight's event. we also have something else in common like the president i too recently got in hot water by talking about a public officials good lucks. it was the time i wouldn't shut up about that stone cold fox secretary of transportation ray lahood. oh, man! i like the cut of his -- but president obama, you had some great jokes. it was a pleasure watching you stand up here and do what i do. now, it is only fair that i get to do what you do. that's right. ladies and gentlemen. for the next 15 minutes i will be mired in a tense dysfunctional standoff with congress. this is going to be fun!

now, right away i would like to formally congratulation the president on his reelection. congratulations. >> thank you. >> as you all know, the president is hard at work creating jobs. since he was first elected the number of popes has doubled. [ laughter ] and the number of tonight show hosts has tripled! congratulations! and while i'm at it i would leak to congratulate president bush on this week's dedication of his presidential library. yes, the library has millions of books, articles and documents and if you go you can be the first to read them. you can't hurt me. now, ladies and gentlemen let's get going. at start i will share something with you people and this doesn't leave this room.

i say this with absolute confidence because we are on c-span. who doesn't love c-span? seriously. c-span. an entire channel shot with a backup camera on a ford explorer. congratulations to c-span for withinning the bid to broadcast this event. they narrowly beat out hgtv 2, qvc south america and the hilton hotel how to check out channel. that's right. the hilton. it's great to be here at the hilton. is it just me or is it time too stop using priceline to book this event? i love the hilton. i love the motto. sorry, the radisson was booked. you know, i was worried that because of the sequester we would be forced to hold this event at a less prestigious hotel than the d.c. hilton and then i was told that is not possible! but do i want to thank the

hilton for accommodating us. they were kind enough to reschedule a cash for gold seminar. by the way, for those here are for the cash for gold seminar, that has been moved to salon b on the mezzanine. and joe biden asks, there are no extra tickets for that either. quick announcement before we really get going before we continue. if any of you are live tweeting this event please use the hash tag incapable of living in the moment. yeah. yeah. [ applause ] >> yes. yes. also to u.s. senators here tonight if you would like to switch either your dessert or position on gay marriage please signalle a waiter. by the way, speaking of dinner, tonight's entrays were halibut and filet mignon or as king

reported it, la stag that and couscous. there is is a gavel here and i don't know why. a fun fact about tonight's food. everything you ate this evening was personally shot by wayne la pierre. don't worry, it was during a home invasion, though. the fish came in through the window. it wasn't perpetrato wasn't pe. that was buckshot. wane la pierre is nearly the executive vic vice president oe nra. which begs the question how freaken crazy do you have to be to be the president of the nra! he is not even at the top! also i would like to acknowledge earlier this evening there was confusion with the seating chart. for a moment someone

accidentally sat governor chris christie with the republicans. that was awkward and i apologize. very awkward. speak of tables, before dinner i had a chance to mingle. you probably saw me. i worked the crowd and shook some hands and sold my twin cities iter account to al-jazeera a for $500 million. they will buy anything! but it is an absolutely joy to be here at the white house correspondents' dinner. last year tom brokaw criticized the event for having too many superstars and a-list celebrities. when i told tom i would be attending this year he said that is more like it. that shouldn't be funny to you. this is really a star studded event. this year yo you have take teno new heights. you have some of the guys from duck dynasty here. duck dynasty.

which can only mean one thing. the guys from storage wars said no. i love duck dynasty. i really don't think the streisand whistle is going to -- oh, my god! it worked. she's here. incredible. i always hated that one. hey, now as some of you know this is my second time speaking at this event. i was last here 18 years ago in 1995. a lot changed since then. today you can get real time information on world events from something small enough to fit in the palm of your hand. back in '95 we he calld that george stephanopoulos. i can't see if he is here because there is a crouton in the way. amazing to think how much the country has changed in 18 years. think about it. if in 1995 you told me that in

2013 we would have an african american president with a middle named hussein who was just reelected to a term in a sluggish economy i would have said oh, he must have run against mitt romney. by the way, no efence, mr. president. i do congratulate you on the victory but as a light night comedian i was pulling for the rich guy whose horse danced in the olympics. the demographics of this country have been rapidly changing over the past two decades and i look forward to hosting this event 18 years from now. then my opening line will be buenos noches. si. the presidente mario lopez.

but my prior experience has taught me how these dinners work. if the president laughs everyone laughs. and if the fox news table laughs, a little girl just fell off her bike. how you are you doing, bill? yes, all of the washington news media here tonight including the stars of online journalism. the huffington post has a table. which has me wondering if you are here who is covering miley cyrus latest? who is asemabling today's top 25 yogurt related tweets. 7 mistakes you are making with bacon. that is a real one and you should be ashamed of yourselves. [ applause ] by the way, just before dinner i tried to say a quick hello to arianna huffington but she made

me watch a 30 second ad first. yes, a lot of online stars in the room but unfortunately matt drudge couldn't make it. he had a prior commitment to teach a web design class in 1997. the washington print media joining us this evening. the print media here for two very good reasons. food and shelter. you know -- how are you? you know, some people say print media is dying but i don't believe it! and neither does my blacksmith. you got to meet zachariah. he's great. rough year for news week which after 80 years published its last print issue. time magazine might be gloating

but they really shouldn't bus time will news week the way juliet outlived romeo. read the play. it's very smart. things are so for old media. a true story. reuters is having its afterparty right here at the hilton because nothing says we are having a great year like having your after party at the same table where you just had dinner. with that in mind reuters is asking everyone here to leave a little wine at the bottom of their glass. and to be fair, print media still has a big star in bob woodward. give it up for bob woodward. yeah, yeah. earlier this evening a waiter asked mr. woodward if he wanted regular or decaf and said stop threatening me! also tonight some of the big names in television news.

when it comes to television news we have a divided media landscape. fox news is watched by conservatives. msc by liberals and cnn watched by the people who clean the offices at cnn. oh, it gets worse. cnn's ratings so low now when the logo comes up james earl jones say you're watching cnn what the hell. in the past three years cnn made odd news. replaced the popular larry king with one of the scheming footmen from dalton abbey. slides right into the show. >> msnbc chris matthews is here. the only show where the commercial ex-isists just so

they can wipe the spittle off the lense. during the boston coverage on msnpc chalk todd stopped a pundit from speculating on unverified information. no joke here. i'm just letting the people at cnn know that you can do that. this is a learning experience. hello to fox news star bill o'reilly. he has become quite the author. he had two recent best sellers killing kennedy and killing lincoln. also wrote a book that was not nearly as popular the natural peaceful death of cats. what were you thinking? the truth is bill o'reilly and this is true is now working on h his next book due out this fall. this time about the killing of jesus. the first time in history jesus' death is blamed on obama care. two quick shoutouts to bbs and npr.

pbs. the pbs people love to party. guys if you get lucky tonight, be safe, wear a tote bag. it works. you got to love npr. still the number one source for news delivered as if there is a toddler sleeping in the next room. nbc news in the house. good lord! they had a rough go of it, huh. the today show let go of ann curry after being told she said let me get this straight. al roker tells the world that he crapped his pants at the white house and i'm getting fired. he is the reason there are no more tours at the white house. they are still hosing it down! brian williams is here. brian, a big fan of the show rock center with bryan williams. emergency brian delivering the evening news on a different

floor of the building a little later with a slightly different tie. it is a mind blower. got to check it out. but as i look around the room and see all of the media here tonight i realize this is all just one big high school cafeteria. that is all it is. fox is the jocks. msnbc the nerds. blogers of the goths. npr is table for kids with peanut allergies. [ laughter ] al-jazeera is the weird foreign exchange student nobody talks to. and print media, i didn't forget you. you are the poor kid who died sophomore year in a car crash. yeah. cheer up. we dedicate the yearbook to you. of course, probably the biggest story that the people in the room covered this past year was the republican failure to

recapture the white house. hard to believe the republicans didn't fare better in the election with the support of celebrities like ted nugent and meat loaf. i guess they overestimated the number of voters who still drive carpeted vans. but the republican party is on o the mend. one rising star on the right is senator marco rubio. or as he is known in the republican party our black guy. yeah. by the way, as of today the u.s. senate has a record number of african american senators. two. two! in other words, there are now more african americans in the senate than in a mumford and sons concert. thank you, younger people. paul ryan. i don't understand!

what is he babbling about? who is this man? paul ryan recently -- he really burst through last year when ran for vice president after the election. ryan said president obama was reelected because of the high turnout of urban voters. then when was asked how he liked his coffee he said no milk, no sugar, just urban. well, there is rnc chairman reince priebus. you heard me correctly. his name is "rinse" priebus. sitting between his brothers lather priebus and repeat priebus. house majority leader eric cantor is here. or as i like to refer to o him, yet another jewish republican

from the south. gets old. that reminds me also joining us is a congressman from new york named steve israel. he is from new york and his name is israel. now, there is pandering and then there is pandering. that is like having a congressman from south carolina named jesus h. gun. james gun. jesus h. gun. i tell you. you got to use this thing. it's fantastic! you only used it once. i mentioned the republican governor chris christie earlier. governor christie and shaquille o'neal sitting at the same dinner table. let's give it up for the unsung hero tonight. their waiter. that poor bastard.

going to lose an arm. are i believe we have one or two supreme court justices here. the supreme court seems divided over same-sex marriage. the liberal justices five terrorist attack and the and they oppose any life long between two men unless it is anton scalia and thomas. >> no surprise that speaker boehner isn't here tonight. speaker boehner and president obama are still struggling to get along. president obama and john boehner are kind of like a blind date between anderson cooper and rachel maddow. in theory they understand each others positions but deep down you know nothing is ever going to happen.

speaking of nothing happening, we are all hoping, of course, that nothing happens with north korea. and that got me he wondering what is with kim jong un. in the past we had really scary enemies like saddam hussein and hitler. now, a pouty teenage boy who dresses like rosie o'donnell at the emmies. kim jong un doesn't understand that we aren't afraid of him. what that guy doesn't get is that we already have an unstable peninsula that will ultimately bring down america. it's called florida. yes, it is. yes, president obama has a lot on his plate right now. he is now at that very nice stage where there are no more secrets left to come out about him. we all know that as a child he lived in indonesia and studied at a muslim seminary and occasionally ate dog.

so clearly from the beginning he was a kid who had his eyes set on the u.s. presidency. check, check and check. here i come. [ laughter ] are now i know he the relationship between the president and the press can seem a bit strange at times. some in the room have even accused the president of being distant and aloof. when i asked the president about it earlier he said oh and then walked away. [ laughter ]

i don't want to alarm you, sir, but you're starting to look like a judge on law and order. >> just say you're on thin ice counselor. you could have that part right away. >> your hair is so white, it could be a member of your

cabinet. he can handle it. >> speaking of cinet, he picked his new secretary, jack lieu. if the president ever has to let him go he'll get to say it's not liu, it's me. >> the quote i hear most about the president, he's the coolest guy in the room. that's what everyone says. he's the coolest guy in the room. all right. here's my question. who else is in that room? it's not hard to be the cool one when the other guys are biden, hagel and kerry. i'd be cool too if i was stuck in a room where steven vilsack is showing someone how to do the harlem shake. now i've made jokes about the president this evening. i'm looking forward to my audit. it's coming. i know, sir. it's coming. but i would like to take a

moment here and change gears and say something to the president regarding the events of the past two weeks. some of you may not know this. i grew up in boston. my parents still live there. and my brother luke raised his family in watertown. i'd like to take this opportunity to thank you, mr. president, for visiting that great city and helping its people begin to heal with your inspiring words. it made a huge difference. [ applause ] it's been said recently that you don't mess with boston. as someone who grew up there, i'd like to echo that sentiment. it's really pretty simple. if you're going to pick on a city, don't choose one where nine out of ten people are related to a cop. don't do it. it's stupid. that includes myself. i have one more thing to mention before i go. everyone is obsessed with washingt